What Would Be Different If… we had these sorts of conversations?

‍Imagine sitting down with a friend, a family member or a colleague and asking:

“What have you learnt about yourself recently that has changed how you live?”

Or:

“What do you understand about the world now that you wish you had understood ten years ago?”

Or perhaps:

“What is it actually like to be on the receiving end of me?”

Where might those conversations take us? What might we discover about each other? What could we learn, reconsider or do differently?

There is joy and connection in talking about everyday life: the football, our weekends, what we are watching and where we might go on holiday. There is also room to talk more often about the things that shape our lives beneath the surface. How we think. What we understand. How we behave. What we are capable of. Who supports us. The futures we imagine and the impact we have.

At Maximy, we explore these through three interconnected Ways: our Leadership Core, our Potential Practice and our Leadership In Action. Together, they invite us to understand ourselves more fully, broaden what we can see and bring greater intention to how we live.

What would be different if conversations about these became a natural part of life?

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Imagine being able to talk openly about how well we know ourselves.

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We might explore our values, motivations, emotions, habits, strengths and limitations. We could discuss the experiences that have shaped us, the assumptions we carry and the situations in which we find it difficult to be the person we want to be.

“When do you feel most able to think clearly, and what gets in the way?”

“How do you recognise that you are becoming stressed, defensive or overwhelmed? What helps you respond?”

“What have other people helped you see about yourself that you could not see alone?”

These questions bring self-awareness, self-understanding and self-management into everyday experience. What do I notice about myself? How well do I understand the patterns I notice? What can I do with that understanding?

We could share our successes as well as our difficulties: how we learnt to listen more carefully, handle disagreement, ask for help or recover after a setback. We could explain what took practice, what failed and what we are still working on.

 Imagine someone saying, “I used to think I was calm under pressure. Then I realised I went quiet and left everyone else guessing.” That observation could open a conversation about how each of us responds to pressure and what the people around us need.

Our Leadership Core also includes our core capabilities and behaviours, and our core support and resources.

What if we asked how people developed their ability to solve problems, communicate, make decisions, collaborate or turn an intention into action? What if we became more curious about the support behind their progress?

“Who has helped you become more capable, and what did they do?”

“Which routines, relationships, tools or resources make the greatest difference to your life?”

“Where would better support help you? What would you most like to develop next?”

These conversations could make the process of development more visible. We would hear about the practice, encouragement, feedback, opportunities and resources behind someone’s achievements. We might discover something useful to try, or recognise that someone needs support we can offer.

Now imagine widening the conversation.

What do we actually know against everything that is possible to know?

Consider the breadth of it: Earth and its living systems; history, science and technology; societies, economies and organisations; human relationships; our own minds and bodies. Even the people we love have experiences, worries, hopes and abilities we may barely understand.

We cannot know everything. We can become more aware of the boundaries of our knowledge and more deliberate about what we explore.

This is central to our Potential Practice: making space to step back, see more clearly, explore possibilities and decide what deserves our attention.

What if we regularly asked:

“What have you been learning about, and how has it changed your understanding?”

"What are the key inputs (books, courses, people, articles, channels, films, programmes, experiences) that have built and shaped your knowledge over the course of your life to date?"

“What do you believe strongly, and how did you come to believe it?”

“Which perspectives have you explored? Whose experience is missing?”

“What might lead you to change your mind?”

We could help one another increase the breadth, depth and diversity of our knowledge. Breadth lets us encounter unfamiliar subjects and connections. Depth helps us move beyond a headline or an initial impression. Diversity brings us into contact with different disciplines, cultures, experiences and interpretations.

Exploring multiple perspectives would also mean examining their quality: the evidence behind them, the reasoning involved and the limits of what they can explain.

Our worldviews would become something we could examine together. We could ask how our upbringing, education, work, relationships and sources of information influence what we notice – and what escapes our attention.

Even with a partner or a close friend, we might ask: “What have I assumed about you that I should ask you about instead?”

What would become possible if greater familiarity also brought greater curiosity?

Then imagine turning towards the future.

What do we think life could be like globally, nationally and locally? What do we hope it will be like? What do we fear? And what are those expectations based on?

We could explore the threats we see and ask how serious they might be, how uncertain our understanding is and what could reduce the risks. We could compare concerns, notice what receives too little attention and consider how different threats interact.

We could give equally serious attention to opportunities for greater success, wellbeing and positive impact.

“What could make our community a better place to live?”

“What possibilities are emerging that we have barely considered?”

“What would a brighter, fairer, more prosperous, joyful and sustainable future look like in practice?”

“Who would benefit from that future? Who might bear its costs?”

Crucially, we could ask how each person built their understanding. Which experiences, evidence and conversations informed it? What assumptions does it depend on? What remains unknown?

A prediction, a fear, a hope and a proposal each give us something different to discuss. Recognising which one we are hearing could help us understand each other and decide what to investigate or act on.

What would change if more of us made time to imagine the future we want to help build?

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That brings us to our Leadership In Action: how we show up, perform and contribute through the roles, tasks and activities of our lives.

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We each have multiple roles in life - such as, partners, parents, friends, colleagues, managers, neighbours and citizens. We teach, care, organise, create, decide, buy, vote and influence. Each role gives us opportunities to affect other people’s lives.

How often do we discuss what doing these things well actually involves?

 “What does being a good friend mean to you?”

“What have you learnt about being a parent, a manager or a member of a team?”

“Which tasks can you perform confidently? Where are you still learning, and where do you need help?”

“When you describe someone as excellent at this, what are you seeing?”

Sharing our views of “best” could reveal differences we have never discussed. One person may value speed; another, care and accuracy. One may believe support means offering solutions; another may need to be heard before considering advice.

We could make expectations clearer, learn from each other’s approaches and develop a more realistic understanding of our proficiency. We could also discuss the trade-offs between roles, including the times when doing more in one part of life leaves less time or energy for another.

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Then comes a particularly valuable conversation: asking the people affected how we are doing.

“What do I do that helps you?”

“What makes things harder?”

“Where is there a gap between what I intend and what you experience?”

“What would you like me to continue, change or stop?”

For ongoing stakeholder feedback to be useful, people need room to answer honestly. Our response matters. Listening, asking for examples and following through can make a future conversation easier.

And our impact extends beyond the people immediately around us.

Through our actions and inactions, we affect loved ones, other people, organisations, communities, countries and the natural world. Some consequences are visible; others are distant, delayed or difficult to trace.

What if we became more willing to ask who benefits from our choices, who carries the costs and what happens when we leave something unchallenged or undone? Where could we make a worthwhile difference ourselves? Where would we need to work with others?

These conversations would connect what we understand with how we live.

We would not need to cover everything at once. Nor would anyone need to disclose more than they wished. We could begin with one thoughtful question, enough time to listen and a willingness to be changed bywhat we hear.

The three Ways would keep informing one another. A conversation might reveal a gap in our knowledge, prompt us to develop a capability, change how we approach a role and lead us to seek feedback. That feedback could then deepen our understanding and open another question.

Imagine that happening more often around kitchen tables, between friends, in classrooms, across teams and in boardrooms.

How much knowledge could we share? How much unnecessary difficulty could we help each other avoid? What strengths and possibilities might we discover? What could we build together?

Who could you have one of these conversations with – and what would you most like to ask them?

Thanks for reading

Best,

Rob

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